So as I speak to you daily

May 20, 2015. 

How do I fill my mind of other thoughts when everything I do reminds me of you? Every television program is of NY, every commercial.. All my CDs are the CDS that you liked, the music that reminds me of you.. your chosen song when you would go out on the baseball field, the links to songs that you wanted me to hear, all the bands that you saw live.... I picked up your laugh years ago and it use to bother me now it comforts me...
Every time I get a text or email, I am remind of you and for a moment, I forget and think that it could be you and the cycle of heartache starts all over again. When will this suffering end? I hurt for my own loss, that I will never get to see you or hear your voice, feel your hand, see your gorgeous blue eyes ever again.. but I hurt more so for your loss, the premature loss of life that is so unfair.  You had so much life left to live, you had grandchildren yet to meet, more trips to take, a business that was to be up and running soon. The future was so bright and all yours. You had so much to give the world. 

You were special, inspiring, and strong. Your laughter was contagious. Your sense of humor was amazing, so unique. You were the toughest guy I ever knew. How could this happen to you? Why? I try not to be angry but as days pass, I find myself becoming angry with your leaving. I want and NEED to hear you again, to feel you again. I cant go on this way. You have been the love of my life for so long although I moved on, we moved on... we had to. You are my soulmate... and always will be.  

If I can find the strength inside of myself somehow I will try and remember that you are still here, as my beliefs remind me. You still exist although I can not see you or hear you, although I can not feel you... you still exist just not in the physical body that you once did.  

So as I speak to you daily, I can only hope that you hear me from across the miles, however vast they are.

All my love.