Everything I do you are With me

I miss you each and every day.
The poetic words that once flowed so effortlessly seem lost inside of me.
Life has resumed for me, as they say, after a loved one dies. 
Resumed to a level where I function in an acceptable manner, go through the motions,
can make it through the day,
keeping it together.

I realize now that it is alright to carry this ache inside of me,
this ache is for you, because of you 
It does not have to be something to rid myself of, ever.
Everything I do, you are with me. 
My thoughts are filled with your memory, memories of us.

People might have their opinions on what is right or wrong.
All I know is that I dont feel as alone as I did several weeks back,
that  having you with me this way helps me get through the days..
Now how can that be bad?

You are still with me, even in death.
I will not ever let you go either, my friend.

Thirty Days Gone

Thirty Days Gone

Thirty days gone
My hopes for tomorrow
Waking to an easier, less troublesome day
Ceasing to wake.

You were reliable
in an unreliable world,
full of broken promises
failed followups and empty words.

You were considerate
Always managing to find time for me
in a chaotic
stuck on fast-forward world.

You knew me
all my idiosyncrasies,
quirks, phobias and issues,
Saw through my facade,
accepted me as I was.

I taught you compassion.
You taught me perseverance.
I taught you tolerance.
You taught me determination.
I taught you how to relax.
You taught me how to not take myself so seriously.
I taught you patience.
You taught me about my strength.

A life that is lost too soon is inconceivable.
A best friend that is lost forever is unconscionable.

For Adam
June 13, 2015

My Wings

My Wings

Miles distance, with apparent feeble attempts to show truth and sincerity. The fog thickens.
It is becoming increasingly more difficult to have any faith in the path in which I want to take.
The soles of my feet feel the cool rich earth pulling me in deeper and deeper.
The more I struggle the more I become a part of it.

I need to fly. 
My wings may be slightly torn but if I stay in the illusion, 
I will become permanently grounded,
entrapped in the the vines of a typical life.

The Wanderer

What is she like?
    I was told-
    She is a
    melancholy soul.

She is like
    the sun to night;
    a momentary gold

A star when dimmed
    by dawning light;
    the flicker of
    a candle blown.

A lonely kite
    kept lost in flight-
    someone once
    had flown.

Author: Lang Leav

She's a wild child he could tame

"She's a wild child
Got a rebel soul with a whole lot of gypsy wild style
She can't be tied down but for a while
I'll be falling free and so alive
Might break my heart but God she drives me wild child

You've never heard of her favorite band unless you
Been to Bonnaroo or Burning Man
She's Penny Lane in a Chevy van, she loves to love
She loves me wild child
Got a rebel soul with a whole lot of gypsy wild style
She can't be tied down but for a while
I'll be falling free and so alive
Might break my heart but God she drives me wild child
She'll be here until she runs
Some just have to chase the sun."

You were the only one that could partially tame me.
You were the only one that knew me, understood me.
Even when I refused to let you in, put up my walls,
fought you with all that I had, talked in circles..
You kept pushing forward, never gave up and got through.
Fact is no one else has ever done that
and I am sure no one ever will do that again.

Facing a future alone is frightening yet humbling.
I can do this.
Would you do it for me?
I wish I had a fraction of your strength.
You taught me so much.
It has been only  month and a half since you left.
How am I to live without your pushing me?